Getting Used to New Symptoms, Again

Yesterday I forced myself to water my houseplants, they needed it badly after a few sunnier days with the windows open, and it’s always pretty dry in my house. I filled the watering can up just fine, carried it twenty steps across the living room from the sink, hurting but still relatively normal, and then suddenly as I barely got past watering the first few plants my muscles all started to shake, horribly. I was shaking so violently that my boyfriend could see it from across the room and insisted that I take a break. I did, but my strength didn’t come back, and it still hasn’t. As I finished up, one half-full watering can at a time spread throughout the rest of the evening, the severe spasms kept happening, and not just in one leg like happens when I’ve dislocated something, this was in every part of my body, from my fingers to my thighs to my feet, everything just quit on me.

I’m a little scared. This is maybe the fifth time this level of weakness has happened in the last three years, but some weakness and shakiness are near daily companions now. However, helplessly watching my own legs twitching and flopping around like an electrified frog while I cling to the table with quaking arms, that scenario still leaves me a little unsettled. I’m really not sure whether to be terrified, to chalk it up to a newer aspect of my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia, or to roll my eyes and try not to think about it at all.

The mysteries that come along with chronic illnesses are not part of their charm. This newest episode is just one of dozens of odd symptoms that I can’t keep straight anymore.

Tonight I am getting some good animal therapy time in, with our roommate’s dogs while he and his family are visiting a friend overnight. The better behaved of the two girls, Jasmine, is an actual therapy dog, certified and everything, so she’s always great at comforting me when things are shitty, scary, or uncertain. I’m glad for the comfort and distraction two dogs on our couch provides.

thedogs

Along with the shakiness from yesterday has come insomnia, severe stiffness, SI joint pain that ruins me, and one partial dislocation after another, accompanied by the normal loud ka-thunk-ing and popping my joints do when they are the main culprit of my pain.There have been some pretty severe migraines, chest pains, and nausea as well. Lucky me!

It’s honestly not all bad news lately, I’ve been keeping it together pretty well and I have been proud of myself consistently for the attitude I have kept up.

11055942_1635768589976159_126140301_n

Spring has sprung and I can’t turn back the clock, only try to keep up. The veggie garden is becoming a demanding part of my daily life. My boyfriend bought cedar planks last week and built me two new raised beds wrapped with landscaping fabric so water can escape, but not dirt. We set them on the pavement, having officially run out of back yard to convert to food growing spaces. In defiance of my illness I have started a planting and preserving schedule that will keep me busy all summer and part of fall. On the flip side it will also provide lots of nutritious food for both families living in my house as well as my business partner and her new son.

It has actually, despite setbacks healthwise, been a few weeks of getting more than usual done, out of sheer willpower. Sometimes willpower isn’t going to fix anything, though. Yesterday was one of those times. Hopefully it doesn’t happen again. Hopefully nothing else weird happens, period. (Cue: laughter)

In the meantime, wishing everyone a low pain week. ❤

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About Jessi Finds Out Fibro

Hi, and thank you for finding your way to my corner of the web! I'm on a journey to empower myself and hopefully others through shared courage and compassion. I write Finding Out Fibro, a chronic illness and chronic pain awareness blog that is not just about fibromyalgia, as well as a new project making jewelry under the Etsy name Hopeful Spoon. Please check out the shop and share if you can! Thank you for your support! My other hobbies include defeating ableism anywhere I find it, upcycling old junk into funky awesomeness, raising my voice to erase stigma against invisible illness and mental illness, baking, collecting vintage kitchen ware, sharing body-positive messages, playing around in photoshop, abstract painting (especially in neons and metallics!), advocating for those living with chronic illnesses and mental health challenges, seeking safety and upholding visibility for LGBTQIA individuals living with physical and mental disabilities, researching and testing plant-based remedies for chronic pain, and spending all my spare spoons in my veggie garden. This is my opportunity to do more than just survive with chronic illness. This is me learning how to live well, even though there is no cure for the war my body is waging on me.

6 responses to “Getting Used to New Symptoms, Again”

  1. pattyalcala says :

    Be very good to yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jessi Finds Out Fibro says :

      Thank you for the reminder, I needed it. I have been pushing past my limitations every day, without fail. Not sustainable. And I still feel like I’m not doing enough, so also not even worth the toll it’s taking on me. Not sure if just stressing my body out could cause the total muscular weirdness, but stress can do pretty much anything to us, so probably!
      Hope you are doing well, and I apologize for the total lack of communication on my end on your blog. Serious burnout right now, but I have been reading your writing as it comes to my email and wishing I had the energy to comment on everything you have been sharing. Thank you for you concern, I really appreciate it. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Moongazer says :

    I get those spells of trembling muscles too. It is seriously unpleasant. They always seem to hit right out the blue as well, but once they’ve started there seems to be no stopping them. My left leg was effected earlier on today while I was making food. It’s ok while I am lying or sitting, but as soon as I stand up……it gets the heebeegeebees again.
    Raised beds are great, arent they? We only have 2, and they’re really my daughters domain, but we all enjoy the fruits of her labours. Just go carefully, petal ((((hugs))))

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jessi Finds Out Fibro says :

      I am so sorry you get them too, but really, really relieved to know I’m not the only one with weird symptoms that appear suddenly and then seem to become a regular thing after that. Like the chest pains and the crushing feeling in my hands and feet and the inability to tolerate alcohol or heat. I always hope it’s a one-time thing, but by the third time it happens I know it’s not going to be just temporary. Plus this has already happened a few times, I just keep blocking it out in between.
      I love my raised beds!!! I cannot wait to get a sunny day to post pictures of how lush everything looks after all of our hard work over the last few years of living in this house. I would love to see your garden someday!
      I’m glad your daughter enjoys growing things, and you benefit! I’m trying to be more careful like you said, but it’s the hardest thing to contain myself once I start, no matter how bad I feel. Old habits of pushing through take over, but I owe it to myself to start taking responsibility for my overdoing it. It’s just taking some time for that message to really sink in!
      I hope you’re well, hopefully you’ve been able to sleep and have had bearable pain levels lately. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • Moongazer says :

        We share the alcohol and heat intolerances as well. Did you see my recent post with the links to the mitochondrial and arteriole-venule research in FM? Both the heat and alcohol intolerances make sense in view of those findings, as do other elements of “the fm experience”.
        My daughter just painted our raised beds a sort of fuschia/purple colour 🙂 They only have onions in them at the moment, She’s tried other winter veg but we lost most of them to pests 😦 On the plus side, creature wise, our humble little garden was home to no less than 5 types of bees the last 2 summers 😀
        It’s a fine line, and delicate balance to push yourself in such a way that you maintain or possibly improve muscle strength and general fitness, and overdoing it which has a negative impact. It’s one I have yet to perfect myself. All we can do is try.
        Ah, my sleep is as dodgy as ever. and my gp isnt being helpful, as she won’t prescribe anymore zopiclone as I had a months supply back in January, and it’s in my notes that I was sleeping 7 hrs – back in October last year. I’m too tired at the moment to fight with her lol.
        ((((hugs))) to you sweetheart, and it’s nice to see a picture of you without the black eyes 😀

        Liked by 1 person

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