Disability Won’t Take my Passions Away

Once again, aBodyofHope deserves a huge, huge round of applause for reframing something that is difficult and turning it into a positive exercise, one that automatically and effortlessly teaches us new coping techniques. Such a beautiful sentiment, from such a beautiful woman and loving friend.
These are the things that cannot be taken from me. I love these hobbies/passions/representations of myself, present tense, not past. If I could suddenly do them all today, I would still absolutely know my way around each of these activities. I still walk and hike in my mind, I still drive to nowhere and sit by a river and write or sketch for hours, in my dreams.
Here are my three passions that will not be taken by disability:

I love to hike, camp, kayak and smell mountain air with all the pine trees, inhale mossy green scents and ocean breezes, and listen to the sounds of nature rising all around me. Getting to hop in the car and drive for hours to spontaneously explore my state is something I treasure doing. I love the way that once home, my clothes smell like campfire for weeks and part of my soul permanently lives in that moment before we pack up to go home, where I imagine what it would be like to stay with the trees forever.

I am a painter, a reader and writer, an artist, a lover of colors, music, and painting trances that last for hours or days, and I have always loved to spend the entire day perusing local thrift stores, garage sales and flea markets for ideas for a project, and for the people watching, too. Bookstores and their whispered secrets always draw me inside, and inspired my creative side to come out and play.
I yearn to do everything from scratch on a large homestead outside of the city, from growing my own livestock, organic produce, and medicinal herbs to canning a year supply of gifts and edibles, to making my own pasta, bread, and pies from scratch. I enjoy crafting all of our soap, laundry detergent, lotion, first aid, and cleaning supplies by hand and hope to own a business selling those tested, tweaked, and perfected recipes to others with sensitive skin.
Another wonderful, timely, inspiring post. I don’t have to talk about that stuff in the past tense now, and that is pretty damn awesome! Thank you so much, Mary darling! What a wonderful frame of thought to operate from!

aBodyofHope

"Lost Between the Sounds"  by Fensterer. Chronic Illness will not Take my Passions Away. #Spoonie #Migraine #Music #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain abodyofhope.wordpress.comLost Between the Sounds | by Fensterer

If you have a passion for something that you can no longer do because of physical impairment, do you truly stop loving it? Then why do we say: “I used to love to…”?

This is one of the most heart-wrenching parts in coming to terms with disability. When you go to say or write the thing you’ve always loved to do, and you realize it is suddenly in past tense. It doesn’t stop twinging your heart each and every time you have to say that you USED to love hiking or taking long road trips. But you come to terms with saying it in past tense. I did. Reluctantly, my old life of passions and dreams was exchanged for my new life of “used to love” and “always enjoyed”. One by one, I locked away those pieces of myself I no longer had…

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About Jessi Finds Out Fibro

Hi, and thank you for finding your way to my corner of the web! I'm on a journey to empower myself and hopefully others through shared courage and compassion. I write Finding Out Fibro, a chronic illness and chronic pain awareness blog that is not just about fibromyalgia, as well as a new project making jewelry under the Etsy name Hopeful Spoon. Please check out the shop and share if you can! Thank you for your support! My other hobbies include defeating ableism anywhere I find it, upcycling old junk into funky awesomeness, raising my voice to erase stigma against invisible illness and mental illness, baking, collecting vintage kitchen ware, sharing body-positive messages, playing around in photoshop, abstract painting (especially in neons and metallics!), advocating for those living with chronic illnesses and mental health challenges, seeking safety and upholding visibility for LGBTQIA individuals living with physical and mental disabilities, researching and testing plant-based remedies for chronic pain, and spending all my spare spoons in my veggie garden. This is my opportunity to do more than just survive with chronic illness. This is me learning how to live well, even though there is no cure for the war my body is waging on me.

One response to “Disability Won’t Take my Passions Away”

  1. abodyofhope says :

    Awe, thank you for sharing this, sweet girl. You’ve made a long hard day so much better 🙂 In your description of those things you love, I feel you have taken me through time and space on a journey with you. And I can feel your passions shining through when you write about them. We are so much more than our struggle, but over time, it can feel like nothing but that. Those things we did actively once are always precious to us, and I hope can act as reminders we are so much more than pain, illness and coping.
    Thank you for sharing this and for sharing what you love. I so enjoyed reading it and I KNOW I would enjoy spending a week with you! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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