Chronic Pain Time Machine

The tears that are running down my face right now are for a friend of many, many years who is nearly out of time. I read her message today about the limited amount of time she had been given by doctors. When you hear that coming from someone you love, admire, and have been inspired and awed by, it does not sink in right away. I mean, it does a little, I sobbed, my hands posed shaking above the keyboard like maybe I would know what to say in reply to such a terrible thing. I have researched and researched genetic stomach cancers and found every positive blog, every survivor story out there, but still I knew that while I was trying to arm myself with information about her cancer, I was also preparing myself for today and for the sadder days that may yet follow.
I don’t have any wisdom to offer, I don’t want to offer condolences to a woman who is still very much alive and still very much herself. I am crying, but I am so, so, proud of this woman for making her time count, for not letting fear run her life. I do not know anyone as strong or as compassionate as she is. She is a rare person, a loving friend, and a fearless fighter.

In honor of how my friend has bravely met this cruel and horrific disease head-on, and in honor of how she has not wasted her beautiful life, not one drop of it, this post by A Body of Hope is the perfect description of what it means to tackle the difficult issue of time passing us by while we are ill. Today especially, it means so much to not let time slip by, to appreciate every sight, smell, sound, and texture I encounter, to savor each interaction with someone, and to honor the way that my dear friend warring with with stomach cancer is leaving such a brilliant legacy behind her through her strength and her smile and the hundreds upon hundreds who love her like they do.
I’m reblogging this to remind myself and others that every moment really is precious, incredibly so.
To both inspirational women: I am incredibly grateful. Words fail me here, I think this is the part where it all does sink in and I need to be held. ❤
I wish everyone facing challenges in life that seem beyond their control could read this comforting and gorgeously honest post.

aBodyofHope

If I wish away my pain, I will wish away my life. And time is too precious. | "A Word on Time" article about chronic pain slowing down time. And how that can be a benefit to cherishing small moments in life. #Spoonie #Pain #ChronicPain #RSD #CRPS #CFS #MS #Fibromyalgia #Arthritis #abodyofhope #Migraine

When we are children, time goes by soooo slowly- sometimes we have more vivid memories from youth than just last week. In High school, I remember dating someone, feeling as though we were together for years when in reality the time may have only been months, but the value of it was just as great as many years. Was it the focus perhaps? The undivided attention? Was it the emotional impact? The relationship blew out a canyon of feelings and memories… like nothing you had ever felt or experienced before.

“Time is an illusion.” -Albert Einstein

“Time is what you make of it.” -unknown

I think about things like this from my bed now. I feel time slipping through my grasp at an alarming speed when I think about how long I’ve been chronically ill. [Especially] When I think of all of the missed celebrations gone by. The weddings. The…

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About Jessi Finds Out Fibro

Hi, and thank you for finding your way to my corner of the web! I'm on a journey to empower myself and hopefully others through shared courage and compassion. I write Finding Out Fibro, a chronic illness and chronic pain awareness blog that is not just about fibromyalgia, as well as a new project making jewelry under the Etsy name Hopeful Spoon. Please check out the shop and share if you can! Thank you for your support! My other hobbies include defeating ableism anywhere I find it, upcycling old junk into funky awesomeness, raising my voice to erase stigma against invisible illness and mental illness, baking, collecting vintage kitchen ware, sharing body-positive messages, playing around in photoshop, abstract painting (especially in neons and metallics!), advocating for those living with chronic illnesses and mental health challenges, seeking safety and upholding visibility for LGBTQIA individuals living with physical and mental disabilities, researching and testing plant-based remedies for chronic pain, and spending all my spare spoons in my veggie garden. This is my opportunity to do more than just survive with chronic illness. This is me learning how to live well, even though there is no cure for the war my body is waging on me.

One response to “Chronic Pain Time Machine”

  1. abodyofhope says :

    Jess,
    What a beautiful, brave soul. One who I am learning from right now as you share about her and the way she has so impacted your life. Not because she is sick, but because she has always been special and beautiful- because she has always loved you and taught you, as you have loved and taught her through your special friendship.
    I am so sorry your heart is aching so for her. I know if you could heal her or take her illness from her, you would.

    My friend and chronic pain author, Mary Jane Gonzales wrote a book pondering the the wearing down of her body and coming closer to the end of her life. She said, “I just want the people I love to feel loved. And I want the people I cherish to feel cherished.”
    How beautiful a gift that you know how cherished you are by your friend. There is no question how much she values you, and how much you cherish her. What greater thing is there?

    Thank you, Jess. I’m so sorry.

    Liked by 1 person

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