Pick One Thing

Even in between flare ups I can only do one thing. One thing before I have to lay down. Sometime just one thing the entire day. I cannot shower AND leave the house on the same day. I cannot do light work in the vegetable garden AND make dinner in the same day.

In fact, any one thing I do choose to focus on could be the last all week, if I hurt myself!

So how do you pick which task gets your attention?

Before chronic illness I would make a list, and I did all the hardest chores as fast as I could. No matter how awful I felt. Powering through and forcing myself to do everything that everyone around me “needed” was my way of life. I swore by that.

As I developed more and more symptoms, inevitably that behavior translated into trying to ignore my pain and push on. I was in much more pain, cognitive issues were becoming a daily and noticeable problem, I was having much more severe flare ups, I was always anxious and I was even having suicidal thoughts for the first time since high school.

Now, three years in, I finally understand that overdoing it is a ticket to my own personal hell, and I don’t have to buy that ticket.

Only I can know what overdoing it means, and I am the only one who can give myself permission to take a break, change tasks, or stop altogether. Of course, real life gets overwhelming and self care can fall to the wayside during a crisis, but the important part is that this is a habit that is sticking. And I am learning gratitude as a result. In between flare ups, I am capable of doing one thing. That is something to be be grateful for.

I am learning that it doesn’t have to be frustrating picking where my energy goes. It can be freeing, too. I am acknowledging my limits and despite the chaos that causes and the emotions it brings up, I have faith that my life will ultimately be better as a result. I can focus on the good that is left, rather than what I miss. It’s a process, I still have days of utter and complete depression in the midst of a long flare up, and I don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with that. Thanks to chronic illness my life will be full of ups and downs that are much more dramatic than before I got sick.

Post-chronic-illness, I am sorting through the wreckage for the potential in me, the things that I value about myself even when my body is not as strong as it was. Being able to do one thing, even if it is sleep and recover all day, is a gift that I am finally willing to accept.

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About Jessi Finds Out Fibro

Hi, and thank you for finding your way to my corner of the web! I'm on a journey to empower myself and hopefully others through shared courage and compassion. I write Finding Out Fibro, a chronic illness and chronic pain awareness blog that is not just about fibromyalgia, as well as a new project making jewelry under the Etsy name Hopeful Spoon. Please check out the shop and share if you can! Thank you for your support! My other hobbies include defeating ableism anywhere I find it, upcycling old junk into funky awesomeness, raising my voice to erase stigma against invisible illness and mental illness, baking, collecting vintage kitchen ware, sharing body-positive messages, playing around in photoshop, abstract painting (especially in neons and metallics!), advocating for those living with chronic illnesses and mental health challenges, seeking safety and upholding visibility for LGBTQIA individuals living with physical and mental disabilities, researching and testing plant-based remedies for chronic pain, and spending all my spare spoons in my veggie garden. This is my opportunity to do more than just survive with chronic illness. This is me learning how to live well, even though there is no cure for the war my body is waging on me.

4 responses to “Pick One Thing”

  1. lifeinslowmotion says :

    I love this – it is such a great perspective to focus on the freedom of being able to choose which ultimately leads to a better quality of life.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. waxingturtle says :

    Great post! I, too, make lists, then I prioritize by putting a star next to the ‘one thing’ i’d really like to have done. I’m glad you understand to be grateful to be able to do that one thing, even if it’s taking care of yourself by resting. This is hard, very hard, I know, I’m just coming to understand it myself!
    Keep up the good work, I know it’s not easy, but it is meaningful!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jessi Finds Out Fibro says :

      I’m glad you’ve got gratitude on your side as well, it really helps!
      I’ll promise to keep at it if you do, so we can periodically share/compare our findings and breakthroughs.
      😀
      much love dear ❤
      I hope your weekend is gentle to you and that you're doing well.

      Like

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