where do you put your hands on someone who hurts everywhere?

How are people even supposed to know I appreciate and need physical affection if I can’t tolerate it sometimes?

It’s what I get for sleeping a full straight 8 hours. I actually woke up thinking about pain before I could even open my eyelids, I could tell within seconds of regaining consciousness that it was a flare day. My partner rolled over and tried to spoon with me this morning and I did not want to get out of bed; all I wanted to do was keep cuddling and relaxing like Sunday morning should be, except I HURT EVERYWHERE and I had to be rude and crawl my way slowly off the bed so I could limp in a circle around the house. I really did not want to get up yet, but the springs were digging into my hip and radiating pain down my leg, my other calf was cramping up, my low back screamed at me, my neck felt like someone was trying to rip my head off my shoulders, and that’s the short list, as I know many of you understand so well!

I get so damn guilty about stuff like that, though.

I mean, it’s not his fault, he shouldn’t have to suffer. But then I have to gently remind myself that it’s not my fault either. It just is, there is no one to blame.

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About Jessi Finds Out Fibro

Hi, and thank you for finding your way to my corner of the web! I'm on a journey to empower myself and hopefully others through shared courage and compassion. I write Finding Out Fibro, a chronic illness and chronic pain awareness blog that is not just about fibromyalgia, as well as a new project making jewelry under the Etsy name Hopeful Spoon. Please check out the shop and share if you can! Thank you for your support! My other hobbies include defeating ableism anywhere I find it, upcycling old junk into funky awesomeness, raising my voice to erase stigma against invisible illness and mental illness, baking, collecting vintage kitchen ware, sharing body-positive messages, playing around in photoshop, abstract painting (especially in neons and metallics!), advocating for those living with chronic illnesses and mental health challenges, seeking safety and upholding visibility for LGBTQIA individuals living with physical and mental disabilities, researching and testing plant-based remedies for chronic pain, and spending all my spare spoons in my veggie garden. This is my opportunity to do more than just survive with chronic illness. This is me learning how to live well, even though there is no cure for the war my body is waging on me.

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